WSR

Perfectionism

We're commanded to be perfect (Mathew 5:48). Yet sometimes it's hard to remember that perfection is an eternal goal, not a mortal one.

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is sometimes confused with striving for excellence, but there are very important differences. President Cecil O. Samuelson offers the following comparison:

Striving for Excellence

• You desire to give things your best efforts and are satisfied when you do.
• You know it's okay if you make a mistake. You move on and see your mistake as an opportunity for growth or learning.
• You want to do your personal best, and you try not to compare your achievements to those of others. You don't need to be the best at all things.
• You can find joy in doing the things you love, and you can get things accomplished.
• Trying your best and perfecting yourself "line upon line" with the Savior's help is Christ-centered because you need the Atonement.

Perfectionism

• You have a list of "shoulds" and "have to's" and are dissatisfied even if you complete them.
• Mistakes bring feelings of self-hatred. You don't want to do anything because you are afraid of failure.
• You feel tremendous pressure to earn others' approval. You must be the best or "perfect" in your tasks.
• Your need to do things perfectly may lead to procrastination until you have time to do it "perfectly," and you feel driven by fear or duty instead of love.
• Perfectionism is self-focused. You measure yourself against your own standards and against others' standards, not God's.
  

Perfectionists can feel like they are never good enough or that others will not or cannot like them unless they are perfect. These feelings can come from various negative thought patterns.

Black and White Thinking: "I am either all good or all bad; there is no in between."

Overgeneralization: "Never mind that I have A's in all my classes; this one A minus ruins my chances for graduate school."

Disqualifying the Positive: "Sure I've gone on three dates this month, but it must be an anomaly. Guys don't like me at all."

What Can I Do if I'm a Perfectionist?

Try to look at things from an eternal perspective; see yourself as God sees you, remembering that He is a loving, understanding Father who wants to help us and see us happy.

Think of one example of something about yourself with which you are dissatisfied. Then ask yourself the following questions:

• How is this affecting my life? Chances are, it's a bigger deal in our minds than it is in our lives.
• How is it affecting the way I feel about myself? Is this a reasonable concern, or am I going a little overboard?
• Would it matter to the Lord? Sometimes we decide that God is a vengeful, judgmental God who is out to get us; we should remember that He is merciful and loves us more than we can imagine.
• Would it matter to others who love you? The important people in your lives who really care about you will love you for who you are, not what you do.